In my previous post I mentioned how rough my school year was, so I decided to write about something I was and I am still dealing with. It's feeling lost. When you're going to high school you should know what you want to do in the future, focus on lessons that will be useful to get into college and basically just know what you are doing there... I'm this kind of person who doesn't know what the hell she is going to do in the future. In addition, I think that everything is just... wrong? I feel like I'm not in the right place. And I mean school, town and EVERYTHING. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life right now. I'm so jealous of people who have real passion and know what they want to do. But sometimes I like to sit in my room and think about where I will end and what I will do. I know that 17 year old girl shouldn't care about stuff like this, but not knowing what future is going to bring and where I will end is just frightening. Why am I focus so much on it? From book "Looking for Alaska" I have remembered this quote:
Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.
It has stuck in my head for a long time. I thought it related to me in 100%. I tried to live in the present, catch every little moment of a day, but when I just had time to myself I was sitting and thinking about future. And now I'm thinking that maybe it has to be like that? I'm type of spontaneous person and I like to console myself that not knowing is good. I don't know where I will be next year, with who etc. And as I mentioned earlier it's frightening, but in some way it is exctiting too. So now I'm trying to don't think about it, live in the moment and enjoy it. Hope it will work. I will find out everything in right moment :)
